Well, things around here have been a bit weird lately. Harrison’s birthday was a hit and we had fun, but since then I’ve been feeling weird. I don’t feel like I’m stimulating him enough. Everyone I’ve talked to says I do and they think I do a great job with him, but I just don’t feel like I’m doing everything I could, yet I can’t figure out what I could do better. We play. We go for walks. We go swimming. We read tons and tons of books. We giggle. We tickle. We work on walking and talking. But I just feel blah.
Brian’s store got robbed at gunpoint last week, and ever since then I’ve been freaked out if I can’t get a hold of him. Thanks goodness he wasn’t there at the time, or I’d be even more freaked out. I knew moving here would be different, but I didn’t know how different. I get homesick once in a while, but I don’t think this is homesickness, I’m not sure what it is. I’m not depressed. I have a great hubby and an amazing son. I have fun all the time with Brian and Harrison. I live in Florida, for heaven’s sake, it is beautiful here all the time. I just don’t feel like me. I know this isn’t making any sense, but I was hoping if I “verablized” it, maybe it would to me.
I had two really bad days in a row last week, and the second one left me in tears, and I’m not a crier when it comes to everyday life. The dog peed in the house, the cat was meowing, and I was trying to get one of Harrison’s new toys to work and I couldn’t, and next thing I know, I’m bawling and Harrison is patting my face and petting my tears away. What is wrong with me? That’s the only time I’ve cried. I just don’t feel like I’m on my game.
Maybe I’m just missing my husband since he is gone all the time. I know I’m missing my family, but I don’t think that is it.
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
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Different topic:
What are you feeding your 1-year old? I feel like Harrison gets the same stuff all the time and I’m trying to mix it up!
A Mommy and her boys 
I hope you understand that how you are feeling is probably just a normal human reaction to a life changing event. What you’ve done is had a baby (ie. completely changed your life) and moved across country (ie. completely change your life) all in one year. Major life changes are at the top of list for causing the blues….even when it’s a happy event the change often causes a bit of unexplained sadness. I guess it’s just sort of like mourning for the old life even if the new life is better. I’m not trying to play the role of counselor here, goodness knows I’m not qualified, but I do have a father with mental illness, so when you deal with that your entire life you read a lot about the human psyche.
Thanks, Chas! I’m sure you are right. A lot has changed for me in the last year. A year ago I was a highly motivated career woman in another country. Now I’m a stay-at-home mom in a new country. I do love my new job more than anything, but it is totally different!
Thanks for your input!
maybe you are pregnant? Hi..I am having similar feelings and having the what to feed a 1year old woes too… lucky us. Change is often what does it… but hey pregnancy does too… (im not pregnant). Anyways just popped by your blog thought i would say my two cents. Harrison is so adorable!!
Oh, Dev, I know that you are a wonderful mommy! Everyone goes through the “I’m not doing enough” phase every once in a while, but then one day it just all seems to click and be worthwhile. Remember that he IS only 1 year old and you can only expect him to be as developed as a 1 year old. There seems to be a lot of programs and advice for how to get your child ahead, yet when they still remain “average” for their age you feel like a failure because they are just typical instead of gifted/exceptional/ahead of everyone else. But in the end they all seem to get there in their own due time.
Matty’s friend Shelby (2 weeks younger) knows a ton of words and uses them in 2-3 word sentences, is potty trained, and eats and drinks using cups and utensils like a big girl. Matty uses one word at a time and gesticulates to get his point across, will be in diapers for awhile yet, and would rather use his fingers than a fork to eat. And thank goodness for sippy cups because a real cup is so far beyond his abilities that I’ve stopped trying so that he doesn’t choke to death.
Everytime I talk to Shelby’s mom I feel like I’m not doing enough to encourage him in these areas. But I know from talking with her that she feels the same way when I tell her some of the things he CAN do. He sleeps through the night in his own bed and at the end of each talk in Sacrament meeting he looks at me and asks “ursery?” because he loves to be with the kids. Shelby cosleeps with her parents and thrashes about so much that nobody gets any rest, and she screams nonstop for the last 2 hours of church if her parents aren’t with her.
Sorry to be long-winded, but the point is that there are at least 10 people looking at you and wondering how you’re so organized and have it all together while they feel like the worst mothers ever!
That’s scary about the holdup – things there are a bit different from southern Alberta for sure, but you guys felt that that was where you needed to be so there must be some reason that will make all the differences worthwhile.
Food choices. Hmmm. I’ll give you a list of what we usually feed him, but I don’t think it will be that different from you. He went through a phase recently where he wouldn’t eat anything unless I cut it into small circles using a cookie cutter. Kids are weird!
Breakkie – Cereal, leftover Red River cereal broken into lumps that he can finger-feed, instant oatmeal packets made really sticky, cooled down and squeezed together into oatmeal-balls, toast with jam, pancakes/waffles, scrambled eggs, yogurt, muffins
Lunch/Dinner – pizza cut up, any type of noodle that he can dip in any type of sauce (bigger spirals work better), chips and salsa (he went through a dipping phase as well), hamburger meat broken up, sandwiches smushed flat so he can get them in his mouth, baked beans, baked potatoes cut into chunks
Snacks/with meals – dry cereal (Shreddies, oat bran or corn bran squares, mini wheats broken in half),crackers, cheese, raisins, dried apricots cut up, fruit (grapes, apple slices, bananas, blueberries, raspberries, nectarines, apricots, cherries) vegetables (tomatoes – he likes the thicker skin part,not the mushy centre seed part, so when I slice a tomato I chop up the first and last slice for him, broccoli, cauliflower, peas, corn, green beans, peppers, carrots, cucumbers, sweet potato)
Like I said, kids are funny and sometimes it’s all in the presentation. I was cooking supper one night and he was snitching frozen vegetables from the pot sitting on the counter, so for the next 2 weeks he would only eat frozen peas, carrots and corn. Then there was the whole dipping phase and now it’s all about circles or triangles. Just keep trying different things – sometimes they love tuna sandwiches and then all of the sudden they will throw it across the room. Ah, motherhood!
Sorry again for the long response…but I hope that you are feeling better this week! Nobody would lie to you about being a good mommy so it must be true what they are saying to you, and I would have to agree with them!
I don’t know you Sharon…but thanks for all the tips and advice!
Nicole,
Sharon is one of my good friends from FOREVER ago! Her mom was our ballet teacher. Ohhhh….the good ol’ days 🙂
PS> How’s Bjorn loving being a real doctor?
Perry’s philosphy is that babies concentrate on different things (not necessarily by their choice, though). Some get into talking, some grow hair, some teeth, some like to walk early…etc. I think Harrison gets a ton of love and attention from two great parents. Hopefully you are feeling much better now……I hope so.
A little late on the comment, but here’s what I feed E day to day…
Breakfast~
yo-baby, bananas, grits, cream of wheat, eggs, toast, waffles
Lunch/Dinner~
boca burgers,peanut butter & jelly sandwich, bulger wheat w/soy grits, cooked carrots, spicy rice & beans, potatoes, tofu & spinich, black beans, chick peas, brown rice & lentils…
She likes vanilla wafers and jello for desserts too!
I took all the couch cushions off and put them on the floor to make a giant climbing area, and she LOVED it…switch it up every couple of days to keep it interesting. Also I rotate her toys so she isnt in front of them ALL at the same time. I give her 4 or 5 at a time, not a whole room of them, she seems to concentrate on them better?