I have had a lot of interesting thoughts wandering through my mind these last few weeks. If any of you read my post from a while back, you know that we had some second thoughts about moving here after there were two armed robberies at Brian’s store in a two-week time period and one of his recent past employees was murdered in that same time. We aren’t having second thoughts anymore about moving. I love it here. The weather is much more conducive to my migraines. Harrison and I spend a lot of time outside. Actually, we spend a lot of time outside as a family too.
The only thing I really wonder about now is is this REALLY where I want to raise my ever-growing family? We are looking at buying a house soon, and the area we are looking in is a community called “The Acreage” which is just that, you actually get over an acre of land with your house. So you aren’t RIGHT next door to your neighbour and I think I would like that more than here where we are all piled up on top of each other (Calgary anyone?). I miss the small-town feel that Calgary had. I miss my friends. I miss girls night out. I miss a city where most of the people speak English. I’m not racist, but it is hard to function sometimes when people in the stores don’t speak English.
I miss having my family so close. I really do. I am very homesick. I’m sick of being the strong girl that can make it on her own and move away from her family. Somehow I thought that would mean I wouldn’t show emotions. Well, dammit, I miss them. I cry because I miss them. I am sad that Harrison isn’t seeing his cousins all the time. Brian has lots of cousins here, but they aren’t my family. You all know what I mean. I like them, but they just aren’t my brothers and sisters. I am sad that I’m pregnant without my family around. I’m not sad I’m pregnant; I’m extatic that I’m pregnant. I’m sad my family can’t bug me about how big I’m getting. I’m sad that I won’t have my family coming to visit us the day after the baby is born.
Life has changed. I knew it would.
But, I am not trying to whine. I am venting, I guess. My mom has heard me talk about all of this too. I guess we just haven’t been here long enough for me to feel settled. After all, we have moved three times in the last 7 months. I feel unsettled — I guess that is the best word. Thanks for listening to my whining!
NEW TOPIC TOTALLY RANDOM
How many of you bloggers out there have had VBACs? I am hoping to have one with this baby because I want a very large family and I don’t want to be limited by C-sections. If that happens, which I’ll accept, we will adopt more than anticipated, but I really want a lot of my own children by birth. Just curious…
This is Harrison in the bath tub this morning. He is so funny because he likes to sit right next to the tap and let the water run all of him. Cuteness for everyone to see!
And the last picture is of the dinner I made the other night. The recipe is found here. I really thought it was going to be good. It looks better than it was. It was VERY bland. I don’t know what I did wrong. Harrison likes it.